you've gotta do what you've gotta do.  and this is what i've gotta do.

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did my first solo kettling shift ever today.  it was not so bad, although i must be getting ancient, because my bak iz soar.

and my hair feels extra soft today.  coincidence?

there's this really fast-paced spider that i keep finding around my desk.  i don't like killing spiders just for being in my space.  i mean, maybe it was his space way back in 2005 but i just didn't know about it.  anyway, he is still running around somewhere, but i don't know what he eats, because i haven't seen any other bugs besides him.

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artist of the day: kai chan

who would have thought incense sticks poking out of drywall could be art?  and who would have thought the alphabet could be so funny?  [here i am. where are you?]

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something is biting my ankles.

what will people do when they find out it's true?

- jesus freak, dc talk

++++++

so i hung out with a bunch of Christians yesterday and had a pretty good time.  i'm getting somewhat stoked over the new year and anticipating some fun things to come.  plus it is bananarama on wednesday, and who doesn't like icecream?!?!

i never really forget.  just for pretend, sometimes.

++++++

every time i see the uhallers wandering around rez with their meal cards and their flipflops i am consumed with negativity radiating towards them.  many others have the same experience and are confused by it.  i am not confused.  i know exactly what it is: pure, unadulterated jealousy.  oh, i'm a bad person.

in other news, melissa told me to pee off the balcony the other day, which i didn't think was all that called for.

Why I Am Thrilled - by Fil Brown

1) i feel as though i came back to life this week.  the old me has returned, and i'm loving it.  irregular sleep patterns, even more irregular meal patterns, grey's anatomy, and arting all night.  it has been truly beautiful.  all i need now is some pizza from two guys and i will be ssssssset.

2) and i am exempt from my only exam due to how awesome i am.  so ha.

3) brian has been inked and was all giddy about it.  and giddiness, as we all know, is incredible contagious.

4) drunk layton hugged me and i didn't mind.

5) i had lamb and asparagus with jason, neal and krissy last night.  and talked about sex and fashion and porn and elementary schools and suspensions and awkwardness until the wee hours of the morning.  so that was pretty cool.

6) the roommate did the dishes AND took out the recycling.  yay!

7) my bedroom smells like sandal wood incense.

8) i have really delicious chicken fried rice waiting for me in the fridge.  mmm.

9) jim guthrie.

10) i have the apartment to myself with no responsibilities aside from basic household chores, taking back my thirty-one library books and bringing home all my sculpturey things.  although that will probably take up a whole day at the rate i carry stuff.  okay.

laura's tummy hurts.

ouch.

the metal shop was shut down three and a half hours sooner than expected, so instead of completing my ugly sculpture i sat around cj's and talked art with johnny.  and then i came back here and ate stromboli and sulked.  and now i'm wishing i could draw pictures in my mind while my body is wrapped and piled in blankets and warmth, but that is entirely impossible, so i will have to head back to the studio at some point to stain my skin with charcoal.

but i don't wanna, mamma.

   wishlist:
- scotch tape
- razah blaydz
- chocolate milk
- cherry cola
- vacuum
- black fingernail polish
- bfk rives
- rolo icecream
- matches
- stain-resistant fingertips

i remember the stupid things, the mood rings, the bracelets and the beads,
the nickels and dimes, yours and mine.  did you cash in all your dreams?
you don't dream for me, no. (goodbye, goodbye) you don't dream for me, no,
but i still feel you pulse like sonar from the days in the waves.

that girl is like a sunburn.

- never let you go, third eye blind

But accountability applies not only to those who hold positions of power. It also applies to all of us. It requires business leaders to work for HIV prevention in the workplace and in the wider community, and to care for affected workers and their families. It requires health workers, community leaders and faith-based groups to listen and care, without passing judgement. It requires fathers, husbands, sons and brothers to support and affirm the rights of women. It requires teachers to nurture the dreams and aspirations of girls. It requires men to help ensure that other men assume their responsibility -- and understand that real manhood means protecting others from risk. And it requires every one of us help bring AIDS out of the shadows, and spread the message that silence is death.   

I will soon be stepping down as Secretary-General of the United Nations. But as long as I have strength, I will keep spreading that message. That is why World AIDS Day will always be special to me. On this World AIDS Day, let us vow to keep the promise -- not only this day, or this year, or next year -- but every day, until the epidemic is conquered. 

i had other things to say but they vanished from here and were probably lame anyway.

instead, let me tell you the truth: i miss the yukon.  i miss how bigbig everything looks and how whitehorse is so crappy and how the hemp store, rehab centre, salvation army corps, florist, elementary school and adult superstore are all on the same block.  and i miss it being freezing and smelling bad and washing my hair in the lake.  and i miss canoeing like my arms are falling off with a four-year-old in the front.  i miss the tim hortons.  i miss sleeping on the sanctuary floor in between pip and elvis [despite how awkward that sounds when retold later].  i miss sleeping on our squeaky boards and thinking how romantic it all was.  i miss being cold and dusty all the time.  i miss getting blackflies stuck in my eyeballs on horseback.  i miss christina wetting herself constantly.  i miss how my clothes reeked of bacon grease after every meal and i miss having flight school in the dining hall.  i miss the craft room and those sweet pillows.  i don't miss the wrestling outfits.  i miss waking up and thinking, "i'm in the yukon."  i miss not knowing what to do, ever.  i miss the beaver.  i miss fat bird and our beautiful island.  i miss being around people who just do what they do.  i miss remembering that life is an adventure and believing that i am immune to head lice and eating bannock.

and i miss shelley.

do you remember when we made that promise to throw a party if one of us died?  with balloons and pinatas.  i can't remember what else, but i know it was gonna be a good time.  so we should put that in our wills or something, just to be sure.  and include guestlists, so nobody gets forgotten.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

it's a fine white line you're stumbling across...

- melt into the walls, pilate

---

what if there were three or four of me instead of only one?  would i have more difficulties with hand-eye coordination?  or no?

you know, it would make sense that artists would have good aim, but i have a sneaking suspicion that it is not so.  at least, i hope.

plus, oh man, the poster sale starts tomorrow and i am so excited.  i've been looking forward to this for weeks.

but i have quality time to spend.  and that is more important.

---

and while you're outside looking in,
describing what you see,
remember what you're looking at is me.

- through glass, stone sour

www.lost.eu/92f5

just cuz i like connect-the-dots.

and i like being a dot.