i had other things to say but they vanished from here and were probably lame anyway.

instead, let me tell you the truth: i miss the yukon.  i miss how bigbig everything looks and how whitehorse is so crappy and how the hemp store, rehab centre, salvation army corps, florist, elementary school and adult superstore are all on the same block.  and i miss it being freezing and smelling bad and washing my hair in the lake.  and i miss canoeing like my arms are falling off with a four-year-old in the front.  i miss the tim hortons.  i miss sleeping on the sanctuary floor in between pip and elvis [despite how awkward that sounds when retold later].  i miss sleeping on our squeaky boards and thinking how romantic it all was.  i miss being cold and dusty all the time.  i miss getting blackflies stuck in my eyeballs on horseback.  i miss christina wetting herself constantly.  i miss how my clothes reeked of bacon grease after every meal and i miss having flight school in the dining hall.  i miss the craft room and those sweet pillows.  i don't miss the wrestling outfits.  i miss waking up and thinking, "i'm in the yukon."  i miss not knowing what to do, ever.  i miss the beaver.  i miss fat bird and our beautiful island.  i miss being around people who just do what they do.  i miss remembering that life is an adventure and believing that i am immune to head lice and eating bannock.

and i miss shelley.

do you remember when we made that promise to throw a party if one of us died?  with balloons and pinatas.  i can't remember what else, but i know it was gonna be a good time.  so we should put that in our wills or something, just to be sure.  and include guestlists, so nobody gets forgotten.

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it's a fine white line you're stumbling across...

- melt into the walls, pilate